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June 2009 
Have updated my 'role' page...
Posted on Feb 13th, 2009
by 
Chris
Chris
http://chris.gaia.com/blog/2008/2/my_role_in_the_gaia_community
I cut out all the jazz and electricity, and have tuned it way down, to a level of reality.
And I can't help but notice that in describing my role here, I do a lot of looking back. It all has to do with that 'tuning down' thing, I think.
When I was first contacted by Brian, and I heard the plans and hopes and vision for Zaadz, and he heard my intensity (equal in inward passion if not outward), I can't tell you how high I sailed. It was just beyond -- I had landed in one of those places that located itself in a higher and more active 'sphere' of energy. Even for me, an aggressive realist (bordering on occasional pessimism), it was maybe like how those original founders of Esalen in the 60s felt. This is literally what it was like: profile on Zaadz, with interviews.
When Brian left Zaadz, I don't think I came fully to terms with what was dropping out of my present and future, before it had even begun (my first encounter with Zaadz and its people was the weekend when it was being transitioned over to Gaiam -- and I still hadn't even been hired yet... a whole other story).
I was floating then in a different way... meeting Franc and Ryan and Ninja and Dave P and Matthew and Rommel and Kelly and Jodi and Jake and Josh and Terri and Jessica and Mark and Manny and Kris and Travis and Scott and Jenn and Jason and Doug and Jirka and Gay, and Siona, the person who knew I was Zaadz and brought me here. We were saying goodbye to Brian, and hello to nearly two dozen souls who were all buzzing about this new challenge.
Many of us moved out to Denver/Boulder, and the office, while cramped, was just perfection. We were on the job, purplizing Zaadz into Gaia :), and I got a first whack at building the resonance system (it's still so early, sorry guys and soon, I promise), which is my first technical-philosophy-in-action. Brian's absence was a gaping hole, but it still felt like the thing was alive as he would have wanted it.
We spent months and months building things, like MyGaia, and Gaia Pro, and there was always an even larger vision of an offline Gaia experience, which Jirka was piecing together by buying other companies.
And I don't know, it all just came to an end -- that phase at least. The visions didn't coallesce. People left. Jirka wasn't Brian, and we didn't elevate ourselves to our potential (even if our vision was outside the bounds of reality). The economy slowed. Our team was moved around, and eventually pared way down.
So we're now at a serious level of reality, if reality is a spare and sober thing, which it is. I have a high degree of control now, but it's something I never sought -- which is probably how and why it happened. I don't have a vision of a million philosophers on the site, toasting our consciousness in offline oases, spreading a new vision of capitalism to the ends of the earth, preaching transcendent joy and belief in the gifts of this beautiful race of humankind...
I sometimes wish I did. For now, I just want the events thing to work a bit better.
But I can promise you this -- that soon this site will be absolutely beautiful, and will work great. And it will shine as a social network that stands alone, almost outside of time, as something that will work and work well for years to come.
After that, when potential reopens itself, and I feel the promise ahead as I felt the promise of years behind, maybe we can work on that vision thing again... and do so in a way where we can truly taste a bit of that fruit, in the gardens of reality.
Access: Public
Dear Chris,
Your honesty here touched me.
I had tears in my eyes reading this.
We Zaadzters felt the way you did, a hole when Brian left.
But we keep on keeping on.
I still feel that seed inside me being blown to sow, to continue to fulfill the mission of Zaadz and Brian’s vision.
I’m still here, with you and the team,
Since: Wednesday, August 23 2006,
the day I found my internet home.
Thank you for all you do.
We love you.
I love you.
Ladybear
Hi Chris,
I signed up November 28 2006. After making it to the top of the game in my other social website, my agent told me to sign up over here… if accepted. I felt like I had landed in heaven over here. When Brian left I hung with that change but missed him. I knew I needed to learn and love this team as if I were on it. I am here and just know, you have someone that will continue to help you expand. Reading your writeup just completely rehabilitated my purpose on what I am doing here too. Keep our minds on the mountain and that will blow all the stops.
Ditto with Ladybear!!!
Hugs to you — the fat lady hasn’t sung yet baby. ~K
Hey there Christopher Rabbit!
I believe many of us have “cut out all the jazz and electricity, and have tuned it way down, to a level of reality.” And you know what?!
It’s really nice hearing the sound of the wind in the trees for the first time in ages, noticing the way things feel when the lights are out and the ‘puter on battery backup running with it’s screen on low beams…
with the jazz off we can hear something new even if that something is the wind. With the electricity on emergency back up we turn to playing cards by candle light so the freezer has enough juice to keep our ice cream frozen and our beer glasses chilled!
There are many of us who started up with Zaadz toward the end of it’s cycle and transitioned into Gaia not knowing who in the world Brian was/is. That would be me. I am so grateful for his vision and even more grateful to you and Team Gaia for weathering all the storms of change… keeping Gaia alive for me. I need the Gaiasphere more then ever because it connects me to people around the world who believe in a better, changing world… one person at a time.
So we’ve changed. I believe that’s the point. If change right now means a glitch or a new format to learn… YAY! I’m so glad to be given the chance to learn something new! (Including new swear words if a glitch eats my comments!) This reminds me… select all, copy, Add Comment, (paste if glitch eats comment… ~grin~
Keep on Brother Gaian/Brother Zaadzter! ‘Float now in a different way’. Listen to Raggae for awhile…Hey World What Ya Say… “don’t give up on me, I won’t give up on you…” Michael Franti AND this very fun videoSay Hey I Love You
will get you up and dancin’ again!
Much Love,
Amber Smilemaker
Chris. Thank you for this deep and poignant sharing. I too am moved.
The path is not always straight, to where we thought we were going. But I believe that there is a flame within us that will not be extinguished by circumstances, and that will be called forth again when the Divine Timing is right.
Thank you for “hanging in there” and please know that there are so many of us on the same road, with the same passion, toward the same world that we WILL co-create.
And thank you again for sharing how it has been for you, this journey.
Loving hugs,
OM Bastet
Oh, Chris. I’m still amazed, every day, by the fearsome and beautiful balancing act of grace and love and hope that is this site and that is this community, and I’m still amazed, every day, by your role in it. And I remember, too, that giddy high of a few years back. I remember it, and love it, but I love just as much–if not more–this equally unfathomable unending. Life is cyclical and there are rhythms to all things and the breathing-in and breathing-out of Gaia is a bellows that fuels so, so much more.
I don’t dream of philosophers and toasts and consciousness divorced from the mournful grace of the world. I dream of community. I dream of there being one us, an us as capable of embracing the lows as the highs, an us that IS rather than a we that might be. There is so much odd magic here, and so much love, and I don’t believe the two are unrelated.
Thank you for this glimpse behind–it was just about a year ago, yes, that the site officially shifted–and the one forward. And it’s funny to me how much in some ways this theme is of the larger world. Such a microcosm, we are (and oh, isn’t that alone just wonderful?).
Thank you for this sharing, Chris, Siona and all others who have posted here.
I echo what everyone above has said and I believe that is the colors of the vision many saw.
When we see a vision; fall in love; have a eureka moment, we then are brought back to the start of the mountain path, knowing that as we climb it, what we are going towards. That vision gives meaning to the grind–fuels it – even if we sometimes lose sight of it.
We are climbing that mountain together, whether as members, ambassadors, team or visitors.
And somewhere, there is soaring, and a smile at the music we are making together. To those who find the notes discordant, I answer: listen with the ears of Bach.
Lb, OM, K, Amber, Meenakshi, bosslady… :)
Thank you for dropping by. I actually wish I had spent longer writing, I had just meant to mention the change to my about-me post, and had time for a few extra paragraphs. It really is deeper than what I was able to type, and there are some exciting angles that deserve their own retrospective… and Siona is so right, we have a fantastic balance now, such that basically whatever we imagine from here on out *will* find its way to actuality.
Missing the old Zaadz is like missing the roaring web-90s… and I didn’t even really taste those days, they’re just impressions still present and palpable due to their sheer overwhelming-ness.
These days here and now are truly like the Obama era we’re all living now… in a grounded and stark but conscious and careful environment – much more grown up, worried about cleaning up past messes and not causing any new ones, doing our best to use the real magic that emerged from more magical but less sustainable times.
At the end of this year, we will be in *such* a good place. Which says great things about where we are now. Off we go!
:)
Wait! One more thing… what we’re doing now (in part because of what’s happening now) is so, so, so much more important. People need community and connection and kindness more than ever–because when it comes down to it, all we really have is each other. And there’s no such thing as too much practice when it comes to this.
You guys are my upper for today !!
Love, OM
I love your post, Chris!
It feels like we’re all in a big circle holding hands around the www
Sending you heart prints
filled with new joy.